God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
