dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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