Your dad touched me again.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
