before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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