Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
