I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize