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Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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