Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
