at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
