i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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