We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
