If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
