I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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