did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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