please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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