He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
