CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
