i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
