He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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