It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
