dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
