man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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