I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
