can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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