can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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