I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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