2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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