I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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