Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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