he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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