I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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