ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
