It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
