I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
