plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
