dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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