his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
