Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
