I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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