i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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