Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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