you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
