How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
my poor anus
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
