booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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