Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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