so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize