a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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