he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
zippers are such a cool invention
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
