I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
is it fun? or sober?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
