so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
