butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
