im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
