2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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