garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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