guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
