this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
porn star boner night. come get it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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