Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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