his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
