Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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