so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize