One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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