im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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