You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
