The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
