Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
