Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
