is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
