and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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