Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
