My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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