Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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