she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
