Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
