I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He has the fingertips of a God
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
