my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
