that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
