You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
