I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
