i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
