he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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