I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize