Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
