just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
